Breaking Free From Toxic Shame

Toxic shame can leave you feeling trapped and alone.

What I feel is not spoken about enough is the powerful grip of shame and how it affects people’s mental health.  

On the one hand, feeling shame can be healthy when it is a temporary response to having done something wrong and can help promote connection with others. As humans we evolved to live in groups for survival and through that lens shame has served a really important role in keeping us safe. 

However, when you are on the receiving end of repeated shaming experiences, your shame can become chronic or toxic. Toxic shame can result in negative beliefs about yourself such as ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m worthless’, or ‘I’m a bad person’ and parts of your authentic our self can come to feel unacceptable and in need of suppressing. Perfectionism, negative self-talk, low self-esteem, narcissism, anxiety, rage and withdrawal can develop too.  

Shame thrives in secrecy and silence and can be a real barrier to someone making changes in their life. When we are feeling shame, it can feel difficult to reach out to friends and family to talk about what we are struggling with. That is why the non-judgmental space of therapy can be a crucial step towards escaping chronic shame.  

Starting therapy is not easy when you have toxic shame, but through sharing what you are keeping to yourself and learning about how shame affects you with a therapist who is genuine, compassionate, empathic and accepting you can start to feel more connected with yourself and others, build up a more positive view of yourself and become more able to make changes in your life. 

If you are struggling and you think that toxic shame might be holding you back, therapy can help you break free.